Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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