We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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