What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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