woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
