Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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