I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
