3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
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