If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
