At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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