Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
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