I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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