Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
