He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
