Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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