And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
It's blow job season.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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