Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
