Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Randomize
