I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
