did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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