he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize