I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
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Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
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Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
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