I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I am one with the molecules
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Randomize
