Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize
