I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
