Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
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