is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
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Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
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its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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