You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Randomize
