Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
All I want is dick and wine.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
