Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
