I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
