He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
