So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
