Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
