mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
