if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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