I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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