i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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