I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
