I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I would fuck him just for his dog
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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