There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
