the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
