You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
