my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
