you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
40s are totally the cure
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
