38 yer olds are good kisserssss
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
