even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
it was like eating out sand paper
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
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