Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
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