my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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