so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
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