I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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