It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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