saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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