Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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