Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
