He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
