i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Randomize
