Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
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