take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
you traded sex for a burrito?
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
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