I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
