apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
