I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
