My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize