The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
