remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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